My Thoughts for Today

I used the message from God application on facebook today. God's message is

... that every day you are choosing either to be grateful or to be disappointed. You can worry to no end about what you don't have. Or you can marvel at God's breathtaking gifts: the morning dew, the sun, the clouds, the trees, the flowers, the birds. Could you create any of these? These miracles of life are always around you, ready to be celebrated, ready to be welcomed into your life.

I have been taught to appreciate all God's gifts including those mentioned in this message. I know they are God's wonderful creations. I know God created them for all of us out of His love. There is no question about that. He Loves us that's why He blesses us with all these things.


I woke up this day hopeful. I prayed yesterday for something I really need. it is something that I know I must have right now because otherwise I'd be doomed. Yes! That's not an exaggeration. I prayed with much faith that He would be there as promised. Then I learned my prayer was not granted. Poof! Then I have to be grateful as the message told me. My mind tells me that I should -- that that is the right thing to do. But my heart just say 'how?'

I would like to appreciate the morning dew. But can the morning dew heal my dad's colds right now? I would like to appreciate the sun. But can the sum warm my family's hungry stomach? I would like to appreciate the clouds. But can the clouds cover my bills? I would like to appreciate the trees. But can the trees pay for my rent?

To some my concerns may seem minor -- too little to even think of not appreciating God's blessings. You just don't know the whole story. If you did, you would understand. You might even help in finding the answer to the question 'can the flowers soothe away the anxiety I feel inside?' You might help ask 'can the birds carry my disappointments away?'

No! I  am not questioning God. At least that's what my mind tells me. But I am questioning myself why these things are happening to me. I know there are reasons behind these. There are reasons why do not deserve the blessings others receive. My question is when will this disappointment, this anxiety, this sadness, this despair end. Will this end before I wake up again to another set of blessings -- the morning dew, the sun, the clouds? Will I have to wait till the trees fall, the flowers wither and the birds die? Or will I wait for the time when I will no longer feel, see, hear, smell and taste all these creations? Will these end with a bang!

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Frustrated! Disappointed!

I'm not in a good mood today. Not really foul mood but not in anyway near good either. I've been feeling this way in the last few days actually. Good thing is that not a lot of the people I encounter everyday see it.

Recently I've been getting frustrated and disappointed easily. My patience and tolerance to things are running low. I'm finding it hard to accept that some people, especially those whom you have high regard for, can disappoint you. It's easier to accept negative actions of people whom you do not believe in in the first place than actions of people whom you thought you can depend on. 

The problem is that I am also to blame in many of these appointing situations. You see I have let these people believe that I can easily accept things and that I don't get disappointed easily. I have made them believe that I am an understanding person. I may have given the idea that they can always get away with anything they want. I might have given them the notion that I do not get affected by  their foul actions. But I do get pissed sometimes. You don't see a halo on my head, do you?  

This will pass. I hope. I hope it does before I do something drastic that I will regret later.

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Multitasking.....

Multitasking. Webopedia defines multitasking as the ability to execute more than one task at the same time. 

Singing and dancing at the same time is multitasking.

Bathing and singing at the same time is multitasking.

Watching the television while eating and texting is also multitasking.

We are always used to multitasking. We do it every time, actually. The problem is that sometimes, even if we are able to do several tasks at the same time, we are not able to do them with the same intensity. Some comes out with better results than the other tasks.

It is difficult to multitask if one of the tasks that you have to do is to think of solutions to your problems. It is difficult to concentrate on some things if you are burdened with so many other concerns. This leads to poor results in the other tasks. Now, if we could only compartmentalize areas of our life then things would probably become easier. But can we really do that? As I am writing this, I am also thinking of my next moves to become rich. Hard, right? Haha. Kidding aside, it is really difficult to do your responsibilities when you are burdened with lots of concerns. 

It's hard to think of a strategy to filter tasks so you can concentrate on the important things in life.It's not as easy as saying I'm gonna do this now so brain, don't think of your problems. If I could only that I'd be the happiest. But I can't. So what's the resolution now? Nothing! I don't know. I didn't think about that because now I am already imagining the food I'll take for lunch.

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Conspiracy Theory - Don't Waste Your Time Reading This

Random thoughts! Don't take this seriously!

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If it didn't happen today, it won't happen tomorrow. Yeah! I know! There is no logic in what I said! Unfortunately, however hard I try not to believe that statement, that's how I really feel right now. So much for promises! I feel they're never gonna happen. But do I feel bad about that? No! I also did not fulfill my promises anyway. Serves me right, right? It's all coming back to me now. But do I really deserve that? Do I? Do I?

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Even the littlest things seem impossible. The big things are gone. No! They were never there. Now, you mean to tell even the small ones were never there? What's left for the taking? Nothing? Nothing! Yeah! Oh yeah! I know! I blew my chances! So is it true that we only get to have a fix number of chances? It looks like there aren't going to be additions. Poor me. I took everything already and I successfully managed to fail them all! Haha! No! It's not funny! But what can I do? Nothing!

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There is a conspiracy! I know that now. Or maybe not! Everybody's just doing the same without really meaning to! Opposing forces are doing the same things. Shouldn't that be something I should be happy about? Imagine, opposing forces are not going in one direction. Haha! Again, there's nothing funny about that. Will you laugh if you see opposing teams both rushing to get you down? Nah! I don't think you will! Or are you with them too? Oh, poor me!

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So what am I gonna do? Nothing! Just waste everything. They are wasted already anyway. Boom! Wham! Blast! Crash!

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But I have to do it quietly though! They shouldn't know! They'll spoil the fun. Haha! Whack! Poof! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  

Note: Hey! You mean somebody also wants to sabotage this post? Common! Give me a break! 

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Pretending you are Fine

It is hard waking up in the morning with loads on your chest. It is also hard to calm yourself down tat night o take that much needed sleep when your mind is filled with chaotic thoughts. But what's more difficult is carrying all those baggage and still pretending that everything is okay. It's hard to smile at others when you see them pass by. It's hard to laugh with your friends when somebody cracks jokes. It's hard to share in the happiness others are experiencing when you can no longer define what happiness is.    

Some might say you need not pretend that everything's fine. Some might say you just need to open up to some friends to at least lighten the load. I say not. There are things that are better kept to yourself. I mean we are not expected to disclose everything even to our closest friend. Sharing to others will not always lighten the load. Doing it might even add more worries. What if your friend fails to understand your concern? What if he makes judgments on you? What if your friend fails to support you? Aren't you going to be disappointed? All those things could just be added load to carry.

So what happens next? Nothing! You just have to continue pretending each day. Hopefully you'll really be able to convince others that you are fine. And hopefully, you will be able to convince YOURSELF that YOU are fine. 

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Enjoying the Ride?

Do you enjoy going to theme parks to ride the different 'extreme' rides like roller coasters? I don't. I like theme parks but I'd prefer to just walk around and see all those beautiful people in costumes, watch production numbers and eat. For me, those are more exciting than actually holding your breath and shouting while being dropped from a height even a cat with nine lives will be afraid of. Generally, I like calm and peaceful adventures.

Even in life I also do not like rough situations. I like to live my life rather peacefully. Yes, I do have my own share of dangerous adventures. I think those are needed to make life a little more colorful. But I hate rough waters. I get scared of bumps on the road. I do not like situations that I know are going to give me stress.

Unfortunately, there are always bumps on every road. Those are thing I believe we cannot really run away from. As I experience these bumps, I can only pray that I will not be too dizzy to really think clearly. I hope I can just sit back and relax and put my trust in the Driver of my life. It's going to be hard to completely trust, I know that. Because I know myself. I know I can be a stubborn and an 'ever complaining' passenger. But with the assurances from Manong Driver that he'll take good care of me, then I'll try to just relax and enjoy the view. I may not enjoy the whole ride but I'll try to appreciate all the wonders that  I see along the way. And while I'm at it, maybe I'll also just enjoy the company of the people I travel with.

Wanna ride with me? Or will I just see you at the next stop?

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My Special Room for You

As soon as I entered this room I started to sneeze. This room is now so dusty because it has not been occupied since time immemorial. Dust fills the air even at my slightest movements. I cannot even see the original color of the desk at the far end. 

I have long invited you to occupy this room. In fact, I have reserved this only for and nobody else. This is the best room in my house. I chose the next best room just so you would have, as they say, 'the best seat in the house'. Sadly, you have time and again refused my invitation. Every time I would invite you would have all sorts of excuses. "Maybe next time!" "Let's see!" "Okay but I have to do this first!" The last one you said was "I am now in a room that I really like. Maybe when I get bored there then I'll take your offer!" You know, the closest you ever got to staying in this room was when we sat in the couch one evening. I don't know if you still remember that night but I do. Perfectly. You came to me after you came from the room you were occupying then. You said you are bored there and you don't want to go back. You said that room brings back sad memories. I told you to stay in this room for as long as you like. You just said thank you. You were so depressed that you immediately fell asleep after saying thanks. You didn't even had the energy to lie in bed. You know you slept on my shoulders. The next day you said you need to leave to sort things out. I waited for you. But you never came.   

This room still remains empty, still hoping you'll stay, still hoping you'll at least try. For how long it'll wait, I don't know. The only thing I know is that I've reserved it for you that if and when the time comes that somebody else will occupy this, it's still you whom I imagine as the one inside. 

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Am I Where I Should Be?

We will all reach a certain point in our lives where we will ask if we are in the right place or not. We will, at that point, begin to wonder if what we are doing are the the things we should be doing and the people we are with the right people we should be with. This point is not necessarily a point where we are depressed or the time when we are at a loss as many would probably think. You see, many people assume that when we begin to ask such questions we are in a state of confusion or we are in a dilemma. Even when we are happy or at the very least contented, we can still wonder if we are doing the right thing.s As to why this happen, I really do not know but I have some things in mind that may answer the question. Some of them I have felt while the others are just fruits of my imagination.

One possible reason is the loss of excitement in the things that we do. When you are sad, naturally there is no excitement. When you are contented there could also be no excitement because everything could be just, ah, plain or flat? I think there could also be the absence of excitement even when you are happy. It is possible that the excitement is just brought about by the same things so what could be exciting about that?, right

Another reason is seeing how others are doing. Sometimes we tend to compare what we have or what we have achieved with that of others. It is easy to fall into this trap because it is but natural for people to feel envious of others once in a while. I mean you may be contented with your car but when you see a yellow sports car you probably cannot help yourself but say wow! Yeah, you may call that just admiration but I know somewhere in your mind, you are thinking it would be good if you could have one too. But you don't need to admit that, really! 

Then there are the questions that people around you throw at you. What is that again? I'm sure you have attended family reunions. During family reunions, it is not uncommon to hear questions like "when are you going to get married?", "don't you have children yet?" or "do you have your own house now?". Or when you meet up with your college buddies after not seeing them for a long time you will possibly hear questions like "when are you going to introduce us to your partner?" or "where did you park your car?". Most probably those questions were asked with no maliscious intent but they could surely make you examine your life.

Another one would be remembering an old dream that you thought you have already outgrown. Say you grew up wanting to be a doctor (to help cure the sick as many kids would say). Then in high school you realized that biology and chemistry are just too hard for you so you decided to go into journalism or philosophy instead. Now you are wondering what your life would have been if you did not change your plans.

What ever your reason is for examining your life now, it is important to really think hard and have some serious discernment because it is not yet too late to make some changes. You see you can take detours at 20, 30, 40, 50 or even 60. 

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