Friday, August 2, 2013

Sino ba dapat mauna? Who should make the first move?

Alam ko namang may pagitan sa ating dalawa ngayon. Tingin ko nga alam mo rin na may pagitan sa atin. Alam ko nung una sinubukan kon punan ang pagitan na yun. I tried to bridge that gap. I tried to fill that void between us. But you ignered it. Di mo man lang pinansin kahit kaunti. I'm not sure if you were just busy then. Baka naman nagmamatigas ka lang. But then ngayon pagnagkikita tayo parang hi and hello na lang. There are awkwards moments nga when I wan to say something but I  hesitate. And during those moments I feel you feel the same thing. Naghihintayan ba tayo kung sino ang mauuna? We do not know who should make the first move. Ako parang gusto ko mauna pero parang mas magiging satisfying kung ikaw kasi that would mean what we used to have is really important to you. Kasi pag ako ulit parang ako lang naman ang natutuwa eh. Tsaka baka  kasi you've already become so sanay that ako lagi magpapakumbaba.

I wish something, someone, basta, would intervene. Sana mag-conspire ang hangin, lupa, ulan, araw para we could be in a situation that who started filling the gap wouldn't matter. Yun bang wala na tayong choice but to talk like we used -- like the way I want to, like the way I really enjoyed and secretly believed that you also enjoyed.  Baka naman kasi ako lang talaga ang may gusto at napipilitan ka lang before. Ewan.

It's really hard kasi when there are so many things that remain unclear. Wait! Ako lang pala ang nag-iisip na things are unclear. When this whatever this is started you said I have nothing to expect. I was okay with that. But then the things we do -- how you responded to me and my moves -- made me think that baka naman there is something to hope for. Nag-a-assume lang ba ako? Baka. Sana naman hindi.

I  should be the one to initiate something so we could talk about this again. I know I should because you are not required to and I know you wont event if you need to. But you know I'm afraid to ask. You know why? Because I'm afraid that you would ask that we just put an end to all this para wala ng reason para may pagdududa. Baka instead of having whatever little thing we have going on eh mawala pa ang lahat.

I don't know what to do. I do not know anything anymore. Bahala na si Batman.

1 comment:

  1. Amazing blog and very interesting stuff you got here! I definitely learned a lot from reading through some of your earlier posts as well and decided to drop a comment on this one!

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